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19: Fear and Loathing in her Vagina

September 29, 2010

What the fuck just happened.

I just had a memorable experience with a chick I met at a bar a couple weeks ago.

We chat on the phone and agree to meet up at a local bar. I go pick her up, we get there, munch on some peanuts, shoot the shit, and talk about urban exploration. I suggest doing a little exploring around campus; she’s all for it. I escalate gently and by the end of the conversation we’re making out.

Eventually we get going. We head outside and I hand her the passenger helmet. As soon as she grabs onto the helmet I pull the helmet to my side, forcing her body into mine. I hover my lips over hers until she kisses me. We make out some more, I pull her tightly into me.

Me: How about we skip the exploring and go watch a movie
Her: What movie?
Me: You pick.

So we go back to my place, my roommates are there, we do introductions, I pull her into my room. We throw on Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, I position her body the way I want it on my bed. We’re spooning and feeling eachother up as the movie starts; about 10 minutes in she rotates her body into mine and I get between her legs.

She’s got an incredible body. Her bellybutton is pierced. Her lips are amazing. She’s got black eyeliner on that just makes her oh so appealing to me. She’s writhing beneath me… deja vu setsin.

We fuck around and she tells me she’s just getting off her period.

Me: “I don’t mind, it’s up to you.”

So I end up fingering her for a while before we start fucking. She said she didn’t have a tampon or pad in.

While fingering her I noticed something very odd on the right interior wall of her vagina.

I thought maybe it was a tumor or some sort of growth, then I noticed it moved around. It was pretty small… definitely not a forgotten tampon. There was something suspicious going on. I asked myself… when the hell is the point in time when you just give up trying to get something out of your vagina. Like… if you’re cleaning it and something gets stuck, what is it, 5 minutes? 10 minutes? When you just say “fuck it” and leave it there for your body to absorb? There was SOMETHING of chunky nature lodged in the corner of her vag. She must have put it there. Did she forget about it? Maybe she has ADD and it kicked in at an awkward moment… I thought it might have been poop at first but then I realized that didn’t make any sense. What the hell is going on?

I end up fingering her more, she’s squirming, then I ninja this mystery artifact out of her vagina. I didn’t want to embarrass her so I just covertly threw it under my bed for later analysis. Maybe she noticed and didn’t say anything. Either way I’m excited, curious, and scared all at the same time.

For the rest of the night all I could think about was “what the fuck did I just put under my bed.” I was fucking her and I thought about this. I was kissing her and I thought about it. When we were done I just sat there and thought about it. What the hell was that thing?

I dropped her off earlier this morning. There was a career fair here at my University so I had to get all dressed up and pass my resume out. All I could think about while chatting with the recruiters was “what the hell did I pull out of this chick’s vagina.” I never even got a good look at the thing. Is it biological? Did her mind wander while she was masturbating? What does it smell like? I wonder what the inside looks like? What color is it?

Well I just got back to my apartment a little while ago. This is an account of my real-time examination of this vaginal souvenir.

Alright, I’m going to my bed right now to recover this thing.

Here it is:

It looks like a fucking owl pellet. If I find the skull of a mouse in this thing I’m going to flip.

Dissection commencing…

Should I smell it?

I’m gonna smell it.

I almost just vomited. Pretty sure my roommate just heard me scream in agony. It smells like feces. This thing that I just retrieved from her vagina smells like poop.

Okay, I’m investigating the interior of this mystery chunk.

My fork won’t penetrate this item easily. It has the consistency of a soggy wad of paper towel.

I’m cutting through it now.

Oh god.

It’s definitely made of some sort of paper material. It is not poop. I’m not sure why I feel disappointed.

Fuck my life, this smells horrid.

It seems to be a pre-rolled device of some sort. Perhaps of menstrual nature. Forgotten menstrual nature.

In any event, she was a good fuck and she’s one of the hottest chicks I’m seeing. A solid addition to my newfound harem. Maybe I’ll find a rubik’s cube in her butthole.

264 Comments leave one →
  1. November 2, 2010 1:17 AM

    When I first started reading this post I thought, “shit, this is how I keep loosing my inserted Nuva Rings… – dumbasses keep fingering me and not knowing that the random object in my vagina is actually birth control – they pull it out and throw it under their f-ing bed. There goes my $20 prescription and my sanity….”
    Then – I scrolled down to the photo – and just about vomited on my keyboard. Seriously, what in god’s name is that? Doesn’t this girl ever masterbate? If she had – then she would have felt this artifact rotting away in her Vag-hole.
    Still doesn’t solve the mystery of my lost Nuva Rings though….

    • November 4, 2010 3:51 AM

      Ha! I still don’t know what it was… maybe a fetus head? And don’t worry, I haven’t extracted any NuvaRings from anyone. Yet.

      You should probably let the next guy who finds one in you take it out and act like it was an internal organ and start choking. Eventually pass out and see how long it takes for him to call 911… or call you out.

      • November 23, 2010 5:48 AM

        Unless he’s a necrophiliac…

      • Anonymous permalink
        November 24, 2010 11:22 AM

        Throw away that set of silverware and plate bud

        • Anon permalink
          November 24, 2010 12:49 PM

          Chop your hands off, drink enough to forget it all, and I wish you the best.

        • Anonymous permalink
          November 26, 2010 4:44 AM

          I’m pretty sure sticking them for a while in some fire fire would be adequate for metal, but it would leave nasty markings on the plate probably.

    • Atalaya permalink
      November 23, 2010 5:49 AM

      It’s wadded up tissue.

      • Anon permalink
        November 24, 2010 4:35 PM

        yes, it is most definitely wadded tissue paper or toilet paper. shame she forgot about it and left you dissect it.

      • Kelly permalink
        November 25, 2010 5:32 AM

        Yes, It’s some wadded up tissue she used because she had forgot/ran out of tampons. I have had to do this before (when I *thought* I my period was finished, but went to the bathroom to discover it was not, in fact, quite finished yet.)

        And it does not smell like shit, it smells like old blood. But not pleasant, anyway.

        • Kelly permalink
          November 25, 2010 5:53 AM

          Probably she thought she pulled it all out, but being wet tissue paper it tore and a little piece got left behind.

    • Rick permalink
      November 23, 2010 8:13 AM

      I have never accidentally spit this much onto my screen. Thanks.

    • nuva ring hunter permalink
      November 23, 2010 8:34 AM

      I use to get those nuva rings around my dick, like a penis ring. Every time. =)

      • Nuva ring hunter hunter permalink
        November 24, 2010 12:28 PM

        A pity your dick is that small!

    • Obvious Explanation permalink
      November 23, 2010 1:35 PM

      It’s perfectly obvious what it is (too small to be a Tampon).

      What it is, is a rolled up piece of shit coated toilet roll.

      This is why women should always wipe front to back, to avoid getting UTI’s, and stinky things lodged in their vagina.

      Woman has recently had period – probably a messy morning (or leaked at work), used toilet roll to wipe, piece of toilet roll rips off and lodges in buttocks, so when wiping again, it acts like a snowball, rolling round and picking up shit thus getting round, brown and large.

      The female in question has wiped from back to front creating a poo/bog-roll ball in a desperate attempt to clean herself but sadly has wiped it all the way from her buttocks and into her Vagina, where she hasn’t recently visited due to period and has no idea it’s there.

      BTW, I’m male and so have never done this due to lack of Vagina.

      Hope this helps.

      Ps. tell her to wipe from front to back always.

      • Allie permalink
        November 24, 2010 12:17 AM

        Wow… that’s quite possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever read.

        Please don’t have children.

        To the author of this article… funny stuff, I’m impressed you didn’t call the girl out, I don’t know how many men would have had the tact you had haha

      • ..... permalink
        November 24, 2010 6:38 AM


      • bopalo permalink
        November 24, 2010 3:02 PM

        have you ever seen a vagina?

      • jinger permalink
        November 24, 2010 5:18 PM

        my god, this is an insane explanation.
        how stupid, exactly, do you think women are?
        stupid enough to be wiping shit INTO their vaginae? REALLY? like right up INTO it? and then being like, “duhh, where’d dat piece of toilet paper go? ohhh well, forget it.”

        as a woman, i’m actually insulted.

        my guess? she got her period a while ago, and was using bunched up tissue as an improvised tampon. and then, unfortunately, she forgot about it.

        • not the dude who wrote the first one... permalink
          November 24, 2010 10:17 PM

          Q: how stupid, exactly, do you think women are?
          A: Stupid enough to take that response seriously!

        • Anonymous permalink
          November 24, 2010 11:05 PM

          Isn’t that basically the same explaination? So as a woman you’re insulted that someone would think you’re stupid enough to wipe toilet paper right up there and forget about it; but it’s totally acceptable to wedge some up there and forget about it? You are an idiot.

      • Beebo permalink
        November 24, 2010 7:35 PM

        um, I don’t know where you got the idea that this would ever happen but it’s ridiculous. And I’m pretty sure you’re ignoring all laws of gravity with your preschool-style hypothesis. Have you touched a vagina before?

        Good Lord. I’m not going to bother to write any further as clearly you’re a ratard. And yes, I meant to spell it that way. You’re THAT special.

      • Sara permalink
        November 24, 2010 8:13 PM

        Seriously, where did you come up with this idea. You need help!

      • Anonymous permalink
        November 24, 2010 11:57 PM

        you seem to know all too well about this

      • Anonymous permalink
        November 26, 2010 6:34 PM

        you should be a private(s) investigator.

    • Anonymous permalink
      November 25, 2010 3:49 AM

      I know it seems hilarious to everyone…but what if this some sort of cancerous lesion that detached?
      You don’t know- and not telling her (and posting it here so the world can laugh at it at her expense is pretty lame.
      If it is of cancerous nature- she could possibly DIE because you did not tell her.
      As a decent, respectable human being (which I am assuming you are) you should immediately alert her of this.

    • DigitalBliss permalink
      November 25, 2010 2:08 PM

      My fiancee says its probably part of a tampon if it was not soaked up enough of blood part of it could have ripped off and stay logged in there. When she first saw it she said it looked like pork chop fat lulz. If it stayed their it would smell like putrid shit. She probably has a bad infection as well and should seek medical attention.

  2. Duh permalink
    November 23, 2010 12:24 AM

    It’s a tampon. She is seriously stupid to have forgotten it. You probably saved her life. I can’t help but laugh at you though. You dissected a used tampon.

    • Anonymous permalink
      November 24, 2010 6:35 AM

      Definitely not a tampon. You can’t leave those in for more than 8 hours and they don’t look that bad after 8 hours… more like a couple of days or something.

      • Grace permalink
        November 24, 2010 12:59 PM

        Uhm, do you think tampons just walk out of vaginas after 8 hours? Cause they don’t. Heads up.

        • Nopers permalink
          November 25, 2010 6:19 AM

          No, but much longer after that and you will start having health problems. The tampon would never stay in her vagina long enough to shrink down that much without her becoming ill or noticing that something was wrong. It is likely that a small bit of wadded up tissue ended up inside there.

      • Stephanie permalink
        November 24, 2010 5:08 PM

        I had a tampon shoved up in me from having a guy have sex w me without asking (I was asleep, we hooked up earlier in the night) and drove the damn thing way up in there. I couldn’t remember putting on in after we finished earlier, so I didn’t investigate. Anyway, through the day and into the next day I continue thinking about whether I had put in a new tampon after our first tryst. So, it was at least 24 hours before I got it out and no I didn’t get sick or hurt. My point: it’s definitely possible for her to not know a small wad of tissue was in there.

        • CranAppleSnapple permalink
          November 26, 2010 12:35 PM

          I’m VERY concerned that you take rape so lightly.

        • Anonymous permalink
          April 7, 2011 8:35 PM

          I am very amused that you take rape so lightly

      • Beebo permalink
        November 24, 2010 7:37 PM

        Yes, it’s totally a tampon and, yes, you can leave them in for more than 8 hours though it’s gross and not smart. I have friends that have lost them for days, it happens.

        two words for this: BURIED TREASURE.

        and you discovered it:)

  3. Whitney permalink
    November 23, 2010 1:00 AM

    Holy fuck! Ok. Ok. Ok. Laughing. Laughing so hard.

    My only guess is that it was a tampon that she forgot. Has to be. Fucking has to be. When moving between houses or doing other time consuming things, I’ve forgotten that I had a tampon in for a few days and got really fucking ill, (toxic shock syndrome, yo) so I’m really fucking confused how this girl didn’t have to be hospitalized for bacteria back up. She must have a really badass constitution. Good for you for not embarrassing the shit out of her, but if you ever burn bridges or get married, either one, you should really tell her. And then update us on her response, of course.

  4. captainobvious permalink
    November 23, 2010 1:50 AM

    I think it’s pretty simple. It’s the absorbent part of a tampon. Obviously, when she pulled the string, a piece of the tampon was left behind. What you’re smelling is dried, stale blood mixed with vajay- jay juice.

  5. Anonymous permalink
    November 23, 2010 2:17 AM

    probably an old tampon

  6. Humphrey Bogart permalink
    November 23, 2010 2:37 AM

    She probably just stuck a paper towel of something in her underwear because of her period when she didn’t have anything else and might have forgotten about it, or not realized that it went up there.
    however.. good chance is that she felt you pull something and is either a) mortified or b) i don’t think there is any other option..

    anyway. yeah that shit reeks, feel bad for you but hey, at least you still got laid :)

    • Atalaya permalink
      November 23, 2010 5:53 AM

      That is not physically probable by any means. Think about it. If you stuck a tissue in your pants, would it somehow manage to wad itself up into your asshole? Vaginas are not black holes. It is simply wadded up tissue she used as a make-shift tampon.

      • Grr permalink
        November 23, 2010 9:31 AM

        unless she stuck it up there to prevent any blood from seeping out…makeshift tampon.

        • Jay permalink
          November 23, 2010 10:01 AM

          this is true…. true story i didn’t get with a guy or nothing but i’ve done that when running out of tampons/pads i’d use toilet paper till i went to the supermarkt but somehow it absored itself up there but i took it out before any guy would dare come near me lol

    • Anonymous permalink
      November 24, 2010 6:36 AM

      How come all men seem to think that when women don’t have a tampon or a pad, the first thing we do is ball up some toilet paper and shove it up there? It’s totally not physically possible… or even like, a good idea. I don’t even think homeless women do that.

      • Grace permalink
        November 24, 2010 1:01 PM

        You have obviously never run out of tampons….

        • Kim (NL) permalink
          November 24, 2010 4:34 PM

          Ehm… Yes I have run out of tampons (waaay too often). Solution: Ask the women around you, one of them is bound to have an extra for you. If that doesn’t work, pad your g*dd*mn panties with toilet paper but do not, I repeat DO NOT, stuff it in your vagina :S
          My analysis on the object:
          Definitely toilet paper, structure looks way different than a tampon’s structure. Looking at the density of the original I would say it has been in there for a week or so, color looks like old blood, doesn’t have to be any poo in there.
          To poster: You’re a true gentleman by not freaking out in her face.

      • Anonymous permalink
        November 24, 2010 2:12 PM

        Of course it’s old toilet paper and that’s what girls use when no better option is available. These two people are both gross. I hope they get an STD.

  7. November 23, 2010 2:57 AM

    looks like an aborted fetus to me. Maybe she got pregs and someone punched her in the stomach.

    • Georgie permalink
      November 24, 2010 3:06 PM

      Are you a woman? That looks nothing like a fetus, it’s made out of fucking paper. Clearly it’s a broken off bit of tampon.

    • Anonymous permalink
      November 26, 2010 2:45 PM

      This is by FAR the best reply.

      Although it could have been a coat hanger that ended up hacking the dead baby to chunks.

      mmmmmm baby back baby back RIBS!!!!!

  8. Lisa permalink
    November 23, 2010 3:03 AM

    I actually think I know what this is – or at least what it could be. Last year I had irregular, possibly cancerous, cells in my cervix (thank God turned out to not be cancerous). They used a laser tool to “scoop” out the cells, basically scraping off some of my cervix. Then they warned me I could bleed or that scar tissue could fall out afterwards. I’m guessing if you read this post to the end you have a strong stomach, but warning this is about to get gross – two days after surgery I found something like this in my underwear, only it wasn’t quite the calcified, owl-pellet-like object he found. It looked like the papery stuff inside, and smelled utterly horrifying. It also had red on it. Maybe if it had stayed in my vag, it would’ve eventually hardened into the creepy thing he found. So that’s my best guess.

    • November 23, 2010 8:47 AM

      That is disgusting.

    • Wow permalink
      November 26, 2010 2:21 AM

      I heard that this could happen. Had the same surgery but nothing gross after other than the horrid smell of burnt cervix. Scared the crap out of me until I looked it up and found out that it was normal.

  9. November 23, 2010 3:03 AM

    It was probably a piece of wadded up TP that she shoved in there when she realized she had no tampons.

  10. Anonymous permalink
    November 23, 2010 3:11 AM

    Fun fact: us ladies will sometimes stuff wadded-up toilet paper in our vaginas when there is nothing else available to stop our menstrual blood from leaking all over the place. This looks like the forgotten relic of such a time. Just a thought.

    • Anonymous permalink
      November 23, 2010 8:15 AM

      Yeah, as one of the ladies I can say that I’ve never done this, and I never plan to.

      I have however used layers and layers of tissue paper as a pad, and ran off to find a tampon asap. Roll up it up and stick it in my fun-box? No.

      • Cee permalink
        November 24, 2010 1:55 AM

        Thank you! I thought I was going nuts, in my 32 years it has thankfully never ocurred to me to put wadded tp up in my vag, as a pad yes, a tampon? No. It’s tissue, it breaks apart like effing… tissue. This is something chicks do? It’s gross and unhealthy, cut it out! If this isn’t a wake up call I don’t know what is, lol.

        • Sara permalink
          November 24, 2010 8:16 PM

          Me neither and now I know why.

      • CranAppleSnapple permalink
        November 26, 2010 12:40 PM

        I don’t believe any girl would really do that!
        I have never done that, but I have done the folded up toilet paper pad. That’s the SANE response.

      • helllooo permalink
        November 26, 2010 5:32 PM

        lmao “fun box”

    • Anonymous permalink
      November 24, 2010 6:37 AM

      Who is seriously doing this?

  11. Anonymous permalink
    November 23, 2010 3:13 AM

    My guess is that she forgot she had a tampon in. That’s a weird looking one though. Maybe she bunched up a wad of toilet paper to plug her vag…

  12. oprahscankles permalink
    November 23, 2010 3:24 AM

    dude, that’s leftover tampon..
    part of it probably stayed in there and she didn’t notice…

  13. lauren permalink
    November 23, 2010 3:30 AM

    It looks like a piece of a tampon. You can see the string in the first pic. They open up like that because they’re made from papery cotton fibre. They don’t usually break apart, but they can.

    • Sara permalink
      November 24, 2010 8:19 PM

      I think so too but it must have been in there for a LONG time to get to that state. Gross! You did her such a favor getting rid of it! YUCK!

  14. Tipster permalink
    November 23, 2010 3:40 AM

    Um… I think I know what it is. I think it’s some sort of paper good, either a paper towel or TP, that she rolled up and put in as a makeshift tampon when she didn’t have one.

  15. Brooke permalink
    November 23, 2010 3:56 AM

    Dude that’s an old tampon.

  16. November 23, 2010 4:10 AM

    Its a lost tampon…

  17. Dan permalink
    November 23, 2010 4:16 AM

    I bet it’s a wad of paper towel she used in a pinch.

  18. OMGcupcakes! permalink
    November 23, 2010 4:22 AM

    It’s definitely tampon-ish in nature. At first I thought it WAS a tampon that the string had come off of, causing it to dislodge inside, but then I remembered that tampons have the strings woven all the way through them so that won’t happen. I’m thinking it’s a home-made job (tp or paper towels?) from the end of a period when there’s not enough coming out for a tampon anymore, but still enough to ruin your day. :D

  19. Anonymous permalink
    November 23, 2010 4:47 AM

    Maybe the last guy who did her left it in there. Maybe at one point it was a love note.

    How sweet.

    • Anonymous permalink
      November 23, 2010 8:32 PM

      Geocaching taken to a whole new level.

    • November 25, 2010 1:52 AM

      OMFG! The power of the internet!
      This comment made me LOL so hard the next door lady is going to send me a bitchy text message about her needing her sleep :)

  20. November 23, 2010 4:50 AM

    Whoa… This is why girls tell me they wipe front -> back. Stops them filling up with shit.

  21. echang permalink
    November 23, 2010 4:50 AM

    looks like a makeshift tampon

  22. Leslie permalink
    November 23, 2010 4:58 AM

    It appears to be a wad of bloody toilet paper.

  23. ikkypoop permalink
    November 23, 2010 5:06 AM

    You might have saved her life. Back when these longer lasting tampons were invented girls started dying from toxic shock from Staph bacteria that cant normally grow well end up multiplying like crazy on these things left in there and produce a lot of toxin that get absorbed through the vaginal wall and can kill her.

  24. That Guy permalink
    November 23, 2010 5:17 AM

    Fucking what the fucking fuck.

    • November 23, 2010 6:09 PM

      This was, by far, my favorite comment on this blog… Exactly what I was thinking!

      • Anonymous permalink
        November 24, 2010 6:09 AM

        that and the sound of dry retching was my immediate response as well

    • Stull permalink
      November 24, 2010 5:37 PM

      certanly shows the diversity of the word ;)

  25. Bob Farker permalink
    November 23, 2010 5:21 AM

    You’re a tough man to be able to put this in the back of your mind and be able to see her again.

  26. Jake permalink
    November 23, 2010 5:31 AM

    It’s clear to me that it is a remnant of an ass wipe paper that got inadvertently wadded up and lodged in the vaginal canal.

    From what little experience I have about this, women generally wipe after doing number 2 by reaching between their legs and wiping. Most men, I think do the reach around, unless you’re fat, in which case you have no choice but to reach your asshole via between your legs. There may have been a bit of paper that got ripped off from vigorous wiping and then lodged up between the legs.

    Another theory: For one reason or another, she suffered(s) from anal leakage. She mitigates this problem by putting a piece of paper and sticking it onto her ahole. Due to hours of walking, that piece of paper gets waded up and then drops down to her vagina. More walking and other movements cause it to rise into the vaginal canal. It sits there unnoticed until a willing and unwitting participant fishes it out.


    • Atalaya permalink
      November 23, 2010 5:55 AM

      No, sorry. You’re a moron.

    • Didi permalink
      November 23, 2010 6:35 AM

      Jake… your lack of knowledge on female anatomy and what is and is not possible is embarrassing.
      And we wipe front to back, yo! No butt germs in the pussy area!

      • AnnieLol permalink
        December 7, 2010 9:04 PM

        We don’t all wipe front to back; some of us can’t possibly reach that way. You just have to be more careful to keep yourself clean.

        And yes, the comment was absolutely stunning in its lack of knowledge of the female anatomy. Wadded up her butt and “fell” into her vagina? Uh…yeah. ‘Cause that’s possible.

        That doesn’t look like the fiber of any tampon I’ve ever seen; looks like TP or paper towel. But then I use pads.

    • Anonymous permalink
      November 24, 2010 6:39 AM


  27. Anonymous permalink
    November 23, 2010 5:41 AM

    It looks like an old tampon, minus the string.

  28. November 23, 2010 5:41 AM

    I hope that you incinerated that plate, knife and fork haha. D: So disgusting.

  29. Anonymous permalink
    November 23, 2010 6:08 AM

    Dude I totally know what that is, I dated a girl who had the same thing a few years ago. It’s the Magna Carta. Just stuff it back into the next broad you sack, that’s how it’s survived all these years. And FYI, you have to pay for the next Magna Carta party next year now.

  30. *hurl* permalink
    November 23, 2010 6:17 AM

    I thought in the second pick it was a piece of chicken lol!

    • NoNoandHellNo permalink
      November 24, 2010 3:42 PM

      I was thinking the same thing. Maybe she got buck wild at a BBQ or something.

  31. November 23, 2010 6:18 AM

    I remember when I would play “ring around the penis” with my girlfriend’s Nuva ring – even that shit freaked me out a little until it happened more than a few a times. You should never have to “find” something in a woman’s hoo-hoo, that’s just not cool.

    I would like to put in my two cents and just say that this is probably the most disgusting thing I’ve ever actually seen extracted from a woman’s body. Kudos to you for being able to maintain a solid penis after having fingered that out of her. I’m sure she will ALWAYS answer your booty call, especially if she knows the potential blackmail you have lying in wait for her. If she felt you pull that thing out, you are going to have some solid, paper-plug free pussy for a good while. Best wishes, mate.

    • Anonymous permalink
      November 24, 2010 11:05 PM

      Fucking ‘hoo-hoo’? Really?

      I bet you also say ‘va-jay-jay’ and watch oprah while crying wishing you were born a woman.

      Epic fail.

    • sdsd111 permalink
      November 26, 2010 3:49 AM

      well considering this was posted on the internet i think its too late to threaten her with blackmail at this point

  32. DestroyThePlate permalink
    November 23, 2010 6:22 AM


    • AnnieLol permalink
      December 7, 2010 9:06 PM

      I for one was also pretty freaked out about the plate and eating utensils. That’s so wrong.

  33. Inquisitor permalink
    November 23, 2010 6:46 AM

    Whose fork and knife did you use to dissect the thing?

    • November 23, 2010 8:56 AM

      We all sorta share our dishware here, but don’t worry, I cleaned it with the sponge I found last weekend.

  34. What da Faq ? permalink
    November 23, 2010 7:41 AM

    You could have warned us there was going to be pictures. That was horribly disgusting. Belly button ring…probably tattoos as well, I suppose things like this would be more commonplace.

  35. November 23, 2010 7:58 AM

    I, Santa Claus, left it there for you to find :) My gift for Christmas :)

  36. Curious permalink
    November 23, 2010 8:14 AM

    Just a question… but do you still eat of f that plate or have you tossed it? Knife and Fork as well?

  37. Herpert Derper permalink
    November 23, 2010 8:37 AM

    I thought it was a piece of meat… Eww!

  38. November 23, 2010 9:23 AM

    I was hesitant to read your post then I realize this must be something really interesting, after seeing the comment number. Then I finally read your disgusting post or experience! In addition to the pictures. Did you enjoy making out with her when you got hold of that yucky thing? Does her vag look like a trash because it was stuck with one?

  39. Mandev (British expat) permalink
    November 23, 2010 10:06 AM

    Well that’s just great. Looking for something after another crappy days work at your typical multi-national; after looking at news regarding the North / South Korea artillery exchange news; after going to Reddit for a bit of enlightenment; i come across this and well, now want to become a monk. Gee, thanks :(

  40. Jay permalink
    November 23, 2010 10:09 AM

    i love it its hillarious!!

  41. Anonymous permalink
    November 23, 2010 10:49 AM

    I had a biopsy done on my uterus a while back
    checking for cancer
    they warned me blood/tissue might result
    looked a lot like this.

  42. November 23, 2010 11:49 AM

    just hope you didn’t use those utensils for food after all that :|

  43. macy permalink
    November 23, 2010 1:55 PM

    it’s a paper towel. she used it as a tampon.

  44. Kentis permalink
    November 23, 2010 2:18 PM

    What did it taste like?

  45. Anonymous permalink
    November 23, 2010 3:40 PM

    Haha thought it was a mushroom.

  46. November 23, 2010 3:46 PM

    Dude, the only thing I can think about is: Did you throw out that plate, fork and knife? Or did you burn it? BTW, that shit looks like a fetus vomited a piece of toilet paper. Oddly enough, can I say that I thought, at first glance, that that was a piece of chicken?

  47. hhhhhh permalink
    November 23, 2010 6:25 PM

    i thought it was chicken!

    • mmmaaaa permalink
      November 24, 2010 12:17 AM

      omg me too! it looks like chicken in the first pick! ew

  48. vomiting in my cube permalink
    November 23, 2010 6:36 PM

    that’s nasty, a tampon or a wad of paper/napkin. Chicks are dirty sometimes. next time see if her belly button smells too.

  49. Stewart permalink
    November 23, 2010 8:20 PM

    I hope you never plan to eat off plate or use those utensils ever again…

  50. Anonymous permalink
    November 23, 2010 9:12 PM

    Can’t help but imagine how you went from savvy dude hooking up with a chick, to a spelunker digging for the crystal skull your lucky no boulders fell on your head..

  51. Mike permalink
    November 23, 2010 9:45 PM

    It’s Quato.

    • Ehecatl permalink
      November 23, 2010 10:59 PM


  52. Philip permalink
    November 23, 2010 10:14 PM

    holy fuck. dude what the fuck

    first two pics looked like chicken though… 3rd pic WTF

  53. November 23, 2010 10:37 PM

    Well mate, you deserve my respect on 2 accounts:
    1) not freaking the hell out when you felt it in the first place. You kept your cool and probably saved yourselves a rather disturbing and awkward evening.
    2) actually having the balls to dissect and smell that thing. I mean, seriously… I’m curious by nature, but I have some doubts I would go to such lengths to satisfy my curiosity.

    Cheers and thanks for this rather bizarre (but entertaining in a weird sort of way) entry! :D

  54. Jonny permalink
    November 23, 2010 11:02 PM

    i really like your plates..

  55. Henry Hunter permalink
    November 23, 2010 11:25 PM

    great title. did you check the unknown matter for the winning lotto numbers?

  56. Girl permalink
    November 23, 2010 11:37 PM

    Anyone saying its a tampon isn’t a woman.

    Its wadded up tissue/toilet paper. As its her period she might push the paper a bit inside her vagina to clean around the opening and it could have ripped off, then subsequent insertion of a tampon would have pushed it up further.

    The vagina is self cleaning and the reason it was hard for you to cut into is because you gave it time to dry out. if not it would have come out her vagina the next morning, things don’t stay up there for a long time unless they are designed to.

    • AnnieLol permalink
      December 7, 2010 9:11 PM

      “Anyone saying its a tampon isn’t a woman.”

      Yeah I didn’t think so either. Though I remember the disastrous “Rely” tampons from the 70s that were put together with a tiny staple for the string (like a teabag) and were just netting full of tiny chunks of foam. Like the foam from a pillow or mattress. They were pulled pretty quick off the market.

  57. November 23, 2010 11:42 PM

    It’s a homemade tampon that she probably had to use on the fly when she started bleeding and didn’t have anything on her. She probably just forgot it was in there when she inserted the real thing. Women have to get creative when dealing with a gravity affected bloody hole.

  58. November 24, 2010 12:35 AM

    Imagine how many other guys before you just left it in there…..

  59. Anonymous permalink
    November 24, 2010 12:58 AM

    Lost/forgotten tampon. It happens. At least it wasn’t this one:

  60. bacon bacon bacon! permalink
    November 24, 2010 1:02 AM

    Oh, my – she’d be mortified if she found your blog. But you seem like kind of a pig so… the TP-tampon incident will one day disappear into her past, like you inevitably will.

    • pokolas permalink
      November 24, 2010 6:16 AM

      hey! that’s so not nice! he seems like a real decent guy!
      (back me up everyone)

  61. November 24, 2010 1:52 AM

    I totally thought that the second picture was fucking chicken!
    But it’s definitely a makeshift tampon.

  62. Anonymous permalink
    November 24, 2010 2:24 AM

    This made me laugh to the point i dont think im normal.

    I reckon the last time she had sex she met a guy in a club, they were both wasted, got take out on the way home, but then he was too drunk to get it up and figured she wouldnt realise if he used a chicken leg instead?

  63. calligraphyartist permalink
    November 24, 2010 2:54 AM

    Ok, at first I thought it was a walnut, it looks like a brain/walnut-half…

    Then…when you dissected it, I changed my mind. Definately a small piece of makeshift tampon, or a chunk of tampon detached from the original and hence got left behind, absorbing blood, etc. I am a female and period blood smells a whole hell of alot different than the blood coming from a wound. It’s mixing with vaginal juices. Therefore, treat it like it’s a piece of chicken skin stuck in between your teeth. If you don’t floss it, it will cause halitosis. She definately did not know it was there, which leads me to believe it was broken off in the act of removing the original piece. It’s an “oopsie” and yes, you did great to remove it. She could have had toxic shock syndrome if that thing stayed in.


  64. John.G permalink
    November 24, 2010 3:05 AM

    This is the result of all that anti-douching propaganda of the 90’s. Fuckin’ hippies.

    • Grace permalink
      November 24, 2010 1:08 PM

      Douching is bad. Vaginas are cool and do all that anyway.

      • John.G permalink
        November 24, 2010 3:01 PM

        Except when nightmare-inducing foreign object pearlesce within. But the “it’ll be all good” attitude, while mostly true, obviously failed here.

        • AnnieLol permalink
          December 7, 2010 9:15 PM

          Douches cause more problems than they solve and probably wouldn’t have helped anyway. More likely she’d have remembered it in the bathroom later and gotten rid of it.

  65. Druston permalink
    November 24, 2010 4:56 AM

    Admittedly, when I saw the first picture, I thought it was a huge shelled pecan or something. Then you started dissecting it, and I leaned in for a closer view.

    I have to say that I agree with the paper wad insertion theory. The inner coloration looks to me like those crappy brown paper towels they sometimes stock in public bathrooms. The darker brown’s obviously dried menstrual fluid.

  66. ded permalink
    November 24, 2010 5:01 AM

    I don’t think I have ever laughed so hard while being disgusted at the same time xD

  67. actually a girl permalink
    November 24, 2010 6:11 AM

    Wow. Just wow. Some of the responses here are terrible. Some of the more ‘helpful’ ones were obviously posted by those who do not own a vagina. It is not a vaccuum, it doesn’t collect poo, and you’d better believe that if something went up there, we’d notice it.

    Somebody may have posted this already, I didn’t make it through all the comments, and I had to post this right away like some internet retard.

    This is a wad of toilet paper or paper towel that was deliberately inserted to catch the last bits of her period. I do it all the time if there’s no tampon around. Since she let you finger her, I’m guessing she forgot about it, and it could have caused toxic shock syndrome if you had not removed it. Good show for saving her a good deal of discomfort, and keeping your cool while doing it. And still fucking her despite a chunk of gross falling out of her ladyparts.

    Then again, It could be a baby ferret. Sometimes while girls are sleeping, ferrets come along and lay eggs in there because it’s so warm. They seldom survive to term because of the crushing power located within. Fun fact: vaginas are also used to make diamonds. I have a chunk of coal up there right now. In 72 hours, it will be a perfectly formed, pre-cut diamond. sometimes it comes out as a ring – I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY! Also, if you see a ninja for a split second and then it’s gone, it’s likely that he escaped up a vag. Little known ancient ninja secret.

    • Not a girl permalink
      November 24, 2010 4:34 PM

      It must be a ferret, that sounds like the most plausible explanation so far. I can only start to imagine what will happen if you had an unnoticed ferret visit before inserting the chunk of coal. It might explain why it comes out as a ring since ferret bones sometimes turn to pure gold when you apply just enough pressure.

    • Wow permalink
      November 26, 2010 2:36 AM

      I think I love you :)

  68. Stanley... permalink
    November 24, 2010 6:35 AM

    Wtf and you still hit that…omg it looks like a home made tampon and what makes it worse is the pretty plate its on. You freak nasty you probably use that knife and fork till this day..did you ever ask her wtf it was…son of a bitch its a fucking treasure map.dude you found the blue prints to the inner workings of women lmao.

  69. Anonymous permalink
    November 24, 2010 6:44 AM

    I am astounded that men have such a shitty idea about how the female body works.
    Anyway, it’s not toilet paper. Toilet paper wouldn’t survive that.
    What that is, specifically, is those paper towels that are in public bathrooms.
    She probably didn’t have a tampon and didn’t know any girls to ask or didn’t have any cash to grab one from a Walgreens or something, and she went into a public bathroom, grabbed a wad of it, and fashioned it into a makeshift tampon.
    I just can’t figure out how she would forget that it was in her.

  70. Probably Never Coming Back... permalink
    November 24, 2010 7:01 AM

    It looks like one of those OB tampons where there isn’t a string to pull it out. Embarrassing and long story short: they are awkward as hell, unfortunately had to use one before a swim meet because it was the only tampon anyone in the ladies locker room had.

    • Grace permalink
      November 24, 2010 1:10 PM

      OB Tampons have strings. Are you an idiot?

    • KitKat permalink
      December 2, 2010 7:49 PM

      Are you really a woman?? Of course they have strings to remove them…they don’t have applicators for insertion so you use your finger to push it in. I agree that part is awkward and annoying.

      My theory is like the other females here – it’s a piece of tissue/paper towel shoved up there. WHY someone would do that is beyond me. If I run out of feminine products I use the “toilet paper” pad idea, but never would I shove something up there that doesn’t have a string to remove it.

      The broken off tampon piece is unlikely, as tampons have strings woven tightly throughout the entire length of the tampon specifically so this doesn’t happen. Also, they have ridges and rows of cotton, and are made in a factory so if you cut one open it wouldn’t like something a chicken just threw up. Personally I’ve never had a string come off a tampon, but I’ve heard of it happening.

      What actually SCARED me the most was your last sentence – “hottest chicks I’m seeing”. You’re “seeing” her?? As in, you called her back after this incident for subsequent fucks?? You sir, truly have some steel cojones.

  71. Kacey permalink
    November 24, 2010 8:36 AM

    Thank God you weren’t eating her out. Can you imagine that in your mouth?!?!

  72. Anonymous permalink
    November 24, 2010 8:57 AM

    that is chicken.

  73. November 24, 2010 9:12 AM

    I know exactly what that was…. She must have needed to stash a couple of joints and forgot them… After two or three months… Yuck, rotten fleshy doobies that have stuck to her vajjay wall…. Poor thing should be introduced to douches. And Dude you’ve got nerve going for it with a women with an issue in her tissue……

  74. cxmagnolia permalink
    November 24, 2010 10:11 AM

    WHAT THE FUCK DUDE you have guts thats all im saying

  75. ttt permalink
    November 24, 2010 11:41 AM

    This was so funny :D

    Especialy – We kiss, I think about the thing; we f**k, I think about the thing .. lololol

  76. November 24, 2010 12:20 PM

    This is sick!

  77. Kevster permalink
    November 24, 2010 12:21 PM

    Dude, what the.. lol on the Ninja thing ^^

  78. wve permalink
    November 24, 2010 12:22 PM

    OMG I’m so happy that I’m gay.

    • Paul permalink
      November 24, 2010 3:40 PM

      Haha because at least you know what the chuncks are you usually run into while fingering! MUCH better indeed :P

  79. Piet_Snot permalink
    November 24, 2010 12:30 PM

    You made it to Geenstijl …

  80. Pascal permalink
    November 24, 2010 12:34 PM

    That’s sick dude!!
    Throw away that plate.

  81. theo permalink
    November 24, 2010 12:36 PM

    Perhaps a leftover of the habit of “slimming”?

  82. Phineas permalink
    November 24, 2010 12:46 PM

    Oh, there you are Perry!

  83. Wim Heitinga permalink
    November 24, 2010 12:58 PM

    Smile you’re on Geenstijl!

  84. Anonymous permalink
    November 24, 2010 1:04 PM

    At least you shared your experience for all to learn from. Thats how mankind as a whole gets steps further!!! We must bring the thing to area 51 and let the American government sort out what the heck it is. I doubt its human. This nicely written story will lead to a lot of checkups I guess. Question my man: can you laugh about it now? Did you laugh about it at any point? Hahaha. brilliant story.

  85. Scott permalink
    November 24, 2010 1:10 PM

    wots a vagina?

  86. Lolololol permalink
    November 24, 2010 1:19 PM

    Story + comments are great ,

    thanks for sharing =)

  87. Esther permalink
    November 24, 2010 1:25 PM

    I don’t understand that she didn’t wash herself.. god how gross. Normally a woman kind of goes to the bathroom and washes up when just getting out of a period..

    I think it is a piece of the inside of the uterus, menstrual blood is not all fluid, it can have tiny pieces of uterus-wall, because that is exactly what comes loose during menstruation, but something like this is very big, I have never seen anything like it. Are you still seeing the girl though??

    • AnnieLol permalink
      December 7, 2010 9:19 PM

      Um…you put your bath puff, loofah or washcloth all the way up IN yourself just to wash? Because I’ve never once heard of anyone doing that.

  88. Kniftig permalink
    November 24, 2010 1:44 PM


    You should have confronted her with it, after you had sex, just to be sure the confrontation would lead to not having sex.

  89. Bart permalink
    November 24, 2010 1:46 PM

    It looks like something I cough up after a weekend festival, smoking 4 packs a day..

  90. November 24, 2010 2:15 PM

    LOL, your blog even made it to The Netherlands! This is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever read, but I also laughed my ass off. Great job! You write really funny.
    Greets from Amsterdam

  91. Robbie- permalink
    November 24, 2010 2:16 PM

    I’d eat it.

  92. Bram permalink
    November 24, 2010 2:36 PM

    Hahaha oh my god, love ur post, love ur writing! And daaamn so gross. But the story,… hahaha brilliant!

  93. Gonzo permalink
    November 24, 2010 3:00 PM

    so….how much do we need to pay you to make you eat it?

  94. Georgie permalink
    November 24, 2010 3:07 PM

    Definitely a broken off piece of tampon, no need to fear. Although it’s incredibly gross.

  95. Dr. Stab permalink
    November 24, 2010 3:11 PM

    You sir, are a trooper. Where most men would be reluctant to continue already after she mentioned she was getting off her period, you didn’t even blink after taking out this..this..well, I see the theories are plentiful, but we can all agree that whatever it is, it should not have been there.
    However, what would have REALLY made you the end of level boss, would be going down for some good ol’ cunnilingus.

    Did you?

  96. rosette permalink
    November 24, 2010 3:11 PM

    you kept it and dissected it? what the hell is wrong with you? :))

  97. OM NOM NOM NOM permalink
    November 24, 2010 3:13 PM

    I suddenly feel hungry..

    Hmm feel like having chicken tonight, anyone else?


  98. anon permalink
    November 24, 2010 3:19 PM

    yeah, it’s almost definitely wadded up toilet/tissue paper. I don’t know how many other girls/women do this but when I’m on my period and having a heavy day, I’ll often fold up a bit of toilet paper right after I step out of the shower until I’m dry enough to get dressed, because otherwise I’d bleed all over my towels. I’ve never left one up there but it’s not at all out of the question that I could forget about it. it’s just old blood and paper.
    also it’s there’s no string, it’s the wrong consistency, and it’s too small to be a tampon, and it’s not like part of the tampon’s going to break off from the rest.

  99. Paul permalink
    November 24, 2010 3:47 PM

    Hahaha great story! Luckily never experienced this
    And for the record ladies: Digging up nuva rings IS cool :) but I usually give them back so no worries ;)

    Greets from Holland

  100. Bas Vlug permalink
    November 24, 2010 3:47 PM

    OMG!! By seeing the last picture my lunch almost crawled up to see daylight. That’s really fucked up, dude. If I would encounter such an artifact, the poor girl would be covered in liquid food, damn! Hope this thought won’t haunt you during another fuck-and-finding-in-Las Vaginas!

    Greetz, B.

  101. Heroin(e) Mule permalink
    November 24, 2010 3:55 PM

    I’ve heard of girls wrapping drugs up and inserting them into their va-jay-jay, creating a makeshift time release dosage. Did anyone see Trainspotting? Opium suppositories? Anyone?

  102. mr fantastic permalink
    November 24, 2010 4:15 PM

    Thanks for not microwaving it and using it to make a broth. That just would have been wrong.

  103. clitmeister permalink
    November 24, 2010 4:25 PM


  104. Anonymous permalink
    November 24, 2010 5:04 PM

    I think its an tiny tampon made by a certain brand I think OB or something like that. They are much smaller than normal tampons they fit on the end of your finger cause there is no applicator.

  105. OBVIOUS! permalink
    November 24, 2010 5:05 PM

    This was absolutely disgusting, ugh :-|~
    But it’s very obviously rolled up toilet paper or paper towel. I use it pretty often when I forgot to bring a tampon when I go out. I also use that sometimes on top of a tampon when I’m wearing a dress and try to prevent leakage, cause I don’t wear underpants and don’t have a place to put a small pad.

    • Obviously disgusting permalink
      November 24, 2010 6:17 PM

      Ummm, you’re gross for not wearing panties. Second, unless you are really, really irregular, you should be able to kind of ballpark the date of your next period. Third, women are stupid for for actually shoving paper towels or dissolvable toilet paper up their vaginas. We all get caught off guard every once in a while, but the sanitary and medically sound thing to do would be to use the paper towel or toilet paper as a pad and NOT as a tampon.

      The writer should thank the heavens that he didn’t go down on her. The smell would have been revolting. But methinks that filth attracts filth…

  106. rofvmfao permalink
    November 24, 2010 5:33 PM


    *rolls on the floor vomiting his fuckin ass off*

  107. November 24, 2010 6:34 PM

    Did you find any drugs in it?
    That could be a plausible explanation

    (I come from Holland. Girls use their vags more for transport then for sex)

  108. poppyperfection permalink
    November 24, 2010 6:35 PM

    spit wad vaginal style…. nice… you really need to be more of a man! quit whining – what ya going to do when you see something really horrific? lmao
    hey the sex was good – and you’d go there again – so hey! Good show…
    you got a free gift… they’re never as joyous as you hoped! think of it like a christmas cracker!

  109. tick permalink
    November 24, 2010 6:44 PM

    first let me say, jesus fucking christ.

    now, let me tell you. this is probably a piece of a tampon. they are made of cotton and sometimes pieces of them will wad up and stay inside. Foul? Hell yes, and although it is a natural fact of life, a lot about that time of month is just fucking foul.

    Advice; when i a girl says “i just got off my period” be prepared to deal with disgusting stuff.

    • KitKat permalink
      December 2, 2010 8:01 PM

      You are incorrect, sir. Pieces of tampons don’t randomly break off, otherwise this would be happening to nearly every man on the planet. She deliberately shoved some paper towel up there.

      Please don’t think that all women are this nasty when finishing their periods, either. Most of us have the sense to go to a store and buy proper stuff to use and wait until we are fully done the period to engage in sex :)

      Thank god I’m not a lesbian. Seriously. Penises are so much easier to deal with.

  110. Jaybone permalink
    November 24, 2010 6:54 PM

    Well, at least the folks here were able to figure out what it was and I guess it makes sense that some toilet paper or paper towels were used to in lieu of a tampon or pad. But I have a story:

    I’m working at a record store and this cute girl starts coming in all the time and I begin crushing on her. One night, I see her at a club. It’s last call and people are taking their final chances at making a hook up. I try to chat up the girl I’m interested in, but she clearly doesn’t dig me. Her FRIEND however, who is also really cute, DOES like me. In fact, she had gone to my high school, was a year or two behind my class, and had had a crush on ME. So we make plans to get together later in the week. I call her and we decide just to hang at her apartment and watch movies for our first date. Turns out she’s really shy and not much for conversation. I’m doing all the work, trying to get to know her so we can find some stuff to talk about, but it’s EXCRUCIATING. Lot’s of long, silent pauses. I suggest, in an effort to break the ice, that we perhaps get the first kiss out of the way, so she’ll maybe be able to loosen up a bit. Long story short, after about two minutes of makin’ out we’re in her bed and goin’ at it. Eventually, I get her on top of me and then sit up to kiss her. I’m caressing her all over, then move my hands to her ass. I’m inside her and she’s just grinding away, totally hot for what we’re doing. It sounded and felt like she had maybe already come at least once, so I’m feelin’ like some kind of sex god…this chick is totally gettin’ off!!! I grab her ass cheeks in an effort to move her up and down and really start some world class fuckin’…and I feel something. It feels like a gel or jelly of some kind. I thought maybe she had somehow, without me seeing her, used a WHOLE LOT of lubricant or spermicidal gel…or maybe she’s just REALLY wet! Nope. I bring my hand up so I can try’un figure out what it is, but it’s pitch black in her room and I can’t see what it is. So I smell my hand. Yep…it was shit. She had shit while she was on top, fuckin’ me. I said, “Whoah” and asked her to turn on the light. She was absolutely mortified, nearly crying with embarrassment. Now, she wasn’t drunk or sick with a stomach flu or anything like that. Her only explanation was that she had had such an intense orgasm (I WAS turnin’ her on, after all!) that maybe she lost control of her bowels. She said it had never happened before, and I can’t say I have EVER heard it happening to ANYONE! But yeah, it was all over my balls and it was just nasty. I know there are fetishists out there who would have LOVED that. Not me. I rarely tell this story because nobody believes me. But I assure you, it’s all true. I shit you not! (HAAA!!! No, seriously though…it totally happened.)

    • notanon permalink
      November 25, 2010 12:26 AM

      dude.. she shit on your balls? :((

      • Jaybone permalink
        November 25, 2010 1:49 AM

        Well…yeah. But not on purpose, at least according to the girl. Shame, too. We woulda made for a fierce couple in the sack. I was having a great time until THAT happened.

  111. marly permalink
    November 24, 2010 7:15 PM

    its totally bloody tissue papier mache that her vaj muscles clenched into a little ball! durr

  112. Kathe permalink
    November 24, 2010 7:30 PM

    It’s a tampon. It folded in half a bit, but it’s a tampon. She probably forgot to take one out, put another one in, and didn’t realize. It happens, and it smells horrible.

  113. November 24, 2010 8:02 PM

    this is horrifyingly fantastic. thank you. I think.

  114. Anonymous permalink
    November 24, 2010 8:15 PM

    I know this. My girlfriend sometimes, if it is her last day of period, uses some toilet paper as a pad. She only does this when she expects no more than a couple of drups.
    On the other hand this cockgraving girl you are talking about does not sound that smart. She must have improvised to much by inventing a toilet paper tampon. MacGiver style. Then so probably was too ashamed to tell about it. She was happy that you ninja’ed it out.Mystery solved.
    Anyway she is probably touched by more pissedsoacked male hands a week than the peanuts you ate at the bar.

  115. November 24, 2010 8:20 PM

    seriously gross…. this is why people should use WATER to clean themselves in the bathroom.


  116. Anonymous permalink
    November 24, 2010 8:21 PM

    It’s most definitely an O.B. tampon.

    They are smaller and more comfortable than normal sized tampons. They also feel like nothing, so I could see her forgetting she had one in or losing it, since I’ve heard stories of other women doing so.

    And yes, you can leave tampons/O/B.’s in longer than 8 hours and not get sick (even DAYS) its just not a very good idea, since you can get a severe infection from it.

    • KitKat permalink
      December 2, 2010 8:06 PM

      Please educate yourself and stop repeating the OB tampon crap. OB tampon is just like any other one. It has a string to remove it, it’s normal sized, and you can’t leave them in for days or you will get sick/an infection.
      By the way you can’t feel any tampon when you put it in properly. And they have strings to remove them afterwards, and you’d have to be really damn stupid to forget you put one in there in the first place.

  117. erika permalink
    November 24, 2010 8:23 PM

    wtf. that is the nastiest thing ever. i was so looking forward to thanksgiving. see that above is why i use the diva cup. nothing to find forgotten up my vag. how could u continue seeing her i mean nasttty. she didn’t notice a foul odor coming out of her twat. shudder

  118. Anusknecht permalink
    November 24, 2010 8:28 PM

    Dude… it’s fuckin’ bombaclat!!!

  119. tek permalink
    November 24, 2010 9:42 PM

    omfg… i actually puked. Never had any problems watching 2girls1cup, or whatever gross site that may be out there… but this one pulled it.

  120. Anonymous permalink
    November 24, 2010 11:20 PM

    lol, I would throw away the fork, knive and dish. That’s gross

  121. whopper permalink
    November 24, 2010 11:59 PM

    i think its a piece of skin. from the penis of her arab boyfriend :)

  122. November 25, 2010 2:16 AM

    Who would have thought I’d spend the last ten minutes at work today commenting on Vagina Archaeology. Shrug.

    I think people are confusing using toilet paper/paper towels as a PAD rather than a tampon. I don’t think women actually roll up TP and INSERT it. That’s a recipe for getting shit stuck.

    If we’re caught off guard with no tampons or pads or anything, I think we generally fold TP into a PAD shape and line our panties with it.

    If this is the case, then Black Hole Vagina guy has no leg to stand on, because no, my vagina is not going to vacuum up said makeshift pad.

    Perhaps she buys cheap tampons and the end of the tampon broke off? You know, if you’re at the end of your period, you’re kind of dry, the cotton might stick or break off?

    Other than that I have no fucking idea. In my 34 years of owning a vagina I’ve never found or had anyone else find anything like that.

  123. GAH! GAG! permalink
    November 25, 2010 2:25 AM

    1 – This is not a tampon. All tampons have strings. They are made of cotton. This is not a tampon.

    2 – This is, however, wadded up tissue that she shoved up there in a menstrual emergency and forgot about.

    3 – It appears that this artifact has been festering in her lady cave for days on end. Which means she isn’t washing up in there as she should be. I can’t believe you smelled it, then used utensils to dissect. You are simultaneously the bravest and sickest person of the day.

    4 – DROP her from your harem! Not worth it!! No! Nobody should have blood soaked abandoned anythings lodged up their vagina! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    • AnnieLol permalink
      December 7, 2010 9:30 PM

      I ask again, who “washes” way up inside themselves? I have never heard of this. Ever.

      But no, not a tampon; they’re fibrous, not flat like paper.

  124. November 25, 2010 3:24 AM

    This was a piece cloth/paper of material probably inserted by the chick herself….. (hopefully while incredibly drunk, the other option would be stupid in general)

    But…. it’s not nearly as bad as digging out a torn piece of condom with your Caterpillar deep drilling excavating equipment!
    Trust me that’s a smell your nose can’t even smell, but it will never leave your mind.

  125. Anonymous permalink
    November 25, 2010 3:52 AM

    In addition to what I previously posted…..

    How do we not know for certain that YOU just didn’t wash your hands after eating a piece of steak…

    …or possibly you didn’t wash your hands after taking a shit…and this actually came from YOU?

    HA! Now this is getting really interesting….

    I’m betting it’s either
    A. She has a cancerous lesion (which you aren’t telling her about but sharing and laughing about it to the rest of the world
    B. You didn’t wash yourself before you stuck your fingers inside her.

  126. Dawn permalink
    November 25, 2010 5:13 AM

    Sometimes toilet paper gets lodged by the anus, especially if one is having diarrhea. She had a ball of this toilet paper that moved toward her vagina, and some pick-up shoved it inside where it grew old and hard after a few weeks. You were the lucky one who pulled it out. Be thankful you weren’t giving her head.

    • AnnieLol permalink
      December 7, 2010 9:33 PM

      Yes I accidentally get large globs of paper stuck up my vagina randomly by accident. And clearly it wasn’t there for “weeks” because she said she was on the tail end of her period. At most she’d put it in that morning. And yeah it can stink that fast.

  127. Ali permalink
    November 25, 2010 5:16 AM

    Ohhh, it’s tissue paper. Sometimes I wad some up if I’m at the end of my period, I forgot to put a tampon in my bag, and after peeing/wiping I notice that I’m still bleeding a bit. So I grab tissue paper and fold it up as an impromptu liner.

    Pretty gross, but it’s amazing you’re such a grown up about it. My husband’s the same way. It’s not going to get between him, and sex.

  128. Marcus permalink
    November 25, 2010 6:06 AM

    I’m 12 years old and what is this?

  129. AdamKW69 permalink
    November 25, 2010 6:08 AM

    Sell the plate and cutlery on EBay. Some sicko will pay you big bucks!

  130. chauncy. permalink
    November 25, 2010 6:10 AM

    I think it my be a decayed original copy of “the vagina monologues”.

  131. mookie permalink
    November 25, 2010 6:25 AM

    the fact u kept going at it and didn’t stop is revolting…

  132. Dizzle permalink
    November 25, 2010 7:39 AM

    You should totally eat it and see what happens. I’d paypal you $5 for a video of you eating it!

  133. Anonymous permalink
    November 25, 2010 7:42 AM

    ROFL. Great story… thanks for sharing!

  134. englishman permalink
    November 25, 2010 8:27 AM

    maybe it’s like pearls in oysters?

  135. cassie permalink
    November 25, 2010 8:43 AM

    guys i hate to break it to u but its probably a peice of emergancy tampon. when a girl starts her period unexpectedly she doesnt always have a pad or tampon handy, so she rolls up some TP and places it in the crevice to hold her until she can find one. she prob got a little over zellous with the TP and a small bit went up there. its brown and smells funny becouse its been up there quite a while and has period gunk on it. ure lucky it wasnt a large clot that would have been an even more interesting disection.

  136. Neukplug permalink
    November 25, 2010 11:02 AM

    The world is crazy, people are mad.

  137. anon permalink
    November 25, 2010 1:33 PM

    regardless of what it was, you were so fucking classy for not making a big deal out of it. nice work bro.

  138. JoBlow permalink
    November 25, 2010 4:05 PM

    It’s tissue. I do this all the time. Tampons are expensive, hey? The shit breaks apart, though, so sometimes you have to fish around to make sure you got it all.

  139. Anonymous permalink
    November 25, 2010 6:01 PM

    First of all, you and this “woman” are disgusting whores because you fuck on the first date like skanks. Second of all, she’s twice as disgusting for not realizing that she has something lodged in her pussy. How could she not feel that? She’s THREE times as disgusting for using wadded up toilet paper as a tampon. That is SO stupid. I’ve never done something that dumb. If you’re out of tampons, use toilet paper as a PAD people, don’t shove toilet paper in your pussy, you idiots. Toilet paper is going to break off and fester, which was clearly what happened with this loose whore.

    • Whitney permalink
      November 27, 2010 7:24 AM

      where does fucking land on your time line, mr/ms Holier Than Thou?

  140. Wow permalink
    November 26, 2010 2:57 AM

    It is a home made tampon. Either toilet paper or a paper towel. If they are folded or rolled they stay intact. Making a pad out of toilet paper does not work as without any way to attach it in place it will migrate around in your underwear and even try to fall out.

    A period is a strange thing. There is actually very little that needs to come out but we bleed a lot to push that little bit of lining out. And sometimes that creates blood clots. You are very lucky that this was not an old blood clot.

    The bleeding itself is weird. Most of the time there is a slight blood smell. Then suddenly the same blood from the same period can get really stinky. It does not necessarily have anything to do with hygiene. It can happen from one pad to the next.

    I have never lost anything in my vagina, but then I no longer wear tampons because my muscles push them out. I have never had a tampon break off, although I have had kind of lint come off of the outside if I was at the end of my period and dried out from the tampon.

    I am sure that this was red and fresh when it came out but drying under the bed all night made it look nasty brown and meaty.

    It would have been funnier if you dissected a blood clot.

  141. Anonymous permalink
    November 26, 2010 3:22 AM

    p sure it’s a rolled up kleenex makeshift tampon

  142. erin permalink
    November 26, 2010 4:33 AM

    I thought it was a walnut at first.

  143. Lover not hater permalink
    November 26, 2010 1:22 PM

    There is not nearly enough love in these comments for this science and sex loving guy. I would employ you. You sir, are a grown-up.

  144. Anonymous permalink
    November 26, 2010 5:17 PM

    looked like a tiny steak.

  145. November 27, 2010 1:13 AM

    Wow thx for the story bro i threw up 3 times while reading this shit

  146. Anonymous permalink
    November 27, 2010 9:04 AM

    found a staple once. no joke.

  147. Evelyn permalink
    November 27, 2010 10:23 PM

    the comments are better than the story….reminds me of when I was f-ing this guy and he lost the condom….he said it fell off and he threw it to the side…..we could not find it.

    2 weeks later….going to the bathroom..I feel something on the verge of coming out….F me it was the condom…and it smelled like 10 layers of ass…..I still throw up in my mouth at the thought.

  148. Jackie Yu permalink
    November 28, 2010 3:09 AM

    Man! Looks like you found the PLATOHEDRON. Odd, but not unexpected, that it would manifest in a random woman’s vagina. The odds that it would reappear in this quadrant of the universe, much less on our own planet, are ASTRONOMICAL.

    It is said that he who weilds the PLATOHEDRON weilds the power to create…or destroy…the entire world…

    “The PLATOHEDRON is a physical manifestation of geometric perfection, and exists purely due to its perfection.” – Aristotle, philosopher.

    “Therein lies the world, and even the whole of the cosmos, within the PLATOHEDRON.” – Unknown

  149. Kyli permalink
    November 28, 2010 3:50 AM

    I have a friend who forgot her freaking tampon in her vagina while she had sex then she told me that the guy was complaining about a horrible stench. She then realized there had been a tampon left in her vagina. Freaking disgusting, I am a female and I am very aware of what is going on down there. Some women are just flat out dirty , filthy people who know nothing of self care and screw around every dick they see while on their periods. Some women I suspect are loose and wide as a freeway tunnel and cant feel that they have several objects lodge in their holes. Thankfully, my vagina is as tight as young girl’s peach so I feel everything! Thank goodness this kind of mess has never happened to me or I would die of embarrassment. How disgusting!!!

  150. Neko permalink
    November 28, 2010 6:40 PM

    If this girl seriously put toilet paper up her vag to act as a tampon, she’s a moron. That is the worst idea ever and can actually kill you. Plus who knows what’s growing up in there? I say forget about her, no matter how good the sex is.

  151. patrick permalink
    November 29, 2010 3:01 PM

    It’s a Matryoshka doll!

  152. Anonymous permalink
    November 30, 2010 1:26 AM

    This story while maybe medically dangerous, is hilarious. I think the lesson to be learned here is just stick with a BJ.

  153. December 3, 2010 2:25 PM

    Wow, this is a really bizarre story. It’s really odd that she hadn’t noticed that object in her vagina. Have you talked to her about it? Well, given that this blog post was all over the Internet, she might have read about it already. :P

  154. Travis Rousset permalink
    December 4, 2010 8:22 AM

    Its an old jay she hid from the cops while drunk got arrested and went to jail. forgot the next morning and continued to walk around with a jay of the stank for … ill say 3 months

  155. Anonymous permalink
    December 5, 2010 5:30 AM

    the first two pictures, i thought it was a piece of chicken ahahahahhaa

  156. December 7, 2010 7:15 AM

    I am stunned that in this day in age the women that have responded have mentioned every possible reason for this to happen but have not hit the nail on the head,,Myself being a woman as well as Nurse will do my best to shed some light on the probable cause,,the tampon idea is pretty close but that is not exactly what that is..I have had the the pleasure in helping surprisingly many women that have ended up in the ER complaining of some pain or cramping in their lower abdomen accompanied by a fowl smelling discharge. It happens alot that women because of their busy lives double up on tampons especially by women that suffer heavy flows so they insert the tampon, some hours go by and they think that before inserting a new one they insert a second once, hence the first one gets shoved up higher in the uterus. Consequently it starts to rot and they get infections..These cases have risen much more since the manufacturers of tampons came out with the O,B tampons. The O.B tampons are designed to fit the contours of the female vagina and with no applicators or string.You simply put the finger in the groove in the bottom of the sponge and push it in as far as the finger will go. Then to remove it you literally have to get in there and fish it out. I prefer the plastic covered applicator ones personally with the little string because for the most obvious reason being that you dont have to dig around in there to find it. And this is what this looks like exactly to me, because I have had to reach in with surgical forceps to remove these types of sponges many times out of women, who a lot of the time cannot with their fingers reach it to remove..and it does happen that they forget..As the saying goes, “To ere is human,” ( I’m not sure of the spelling of “ere: ) but I am sure you get the idea lol.. I hope this adds a more reasonable perspective on the matter at hand.

    • AnnieLol permalink
      December 7, 2010 9:42 PM

      You’re a nurse and you think the tampon goes into the *uterus*? Are you kidding?

      And yes, OB has a string, though if you don’t straighten it out before insertion it’s possible to end up forgetting it in there and not having the string available for pulling it out. In that case you’d have to “literally fish it out” but you’d have to be pretty dumb not to straighten out the string first. You’re supposed to use the string to widen the bottom of the OB for better absorbency anyway.

  157. December 7, 2010 7:18 AM

    This woman was lucky she did not get TSS . Toxic Shock Syndrome, which on laymans terms means blood poisining

  158. Anonymous permalink
    April 9, 2012 11:11 AM

    Hope you threw away the knife and fork?

  159. ShadOTribe permalink
    April 14, 2012 12:11 PM

    Solves the mystery of the missing teener. Put it on the shelf and forgot about it, or spent a whole week, without sleep looking for it.
    Did you ever think about smoking that shit? That was a nice sized rock!
    at least save it for a rainy day.
    I am just sayin’.


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